my life.

top 10 in 2011

2012-01-01T18:53:00.000-08:00

2011 has been a good year...

(in no particular order)

1. spending the summer in virginia beach.
2. getting to spend an extra week with my dad....even though the circumstances were sad.
3. lily. this little girl has taught me more about prayer, friendship, sacrifice, and love than i'll probably ever realize.
4. a skating rink birthday party. i can't think of a better way to bring in 28.
5. experiencing relational conflict in a way that will hopefully lead to improved character.
6. coffee. lots of coffee.
7. new music. gungor. mumford and sons. avett brothers. josh garrels.
8. shingles. sleep study. dislocated shoulder. and other sickness.
9. kitchen aide mixer. yay for baking!
10. a renewed vision for my life.

...but i think 2012 is going to be even better.

thankful.

2011-11-28T16:11:00.000-08:00

i have a lot to be thankful for.
a loving family.
amazing friends.
the best puppy.
my job.
the ability and freedom to be generous.
two roommates that i really enjoy coming home to.
the most incredible church family.
a future with endless possiblities.

a psalm. for giving grateful praise.

Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.
Worship the LORD with gladness;
   come before him with joyful songs.
Know that the LORD is God.
   It is he who made us, and we are his
   we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving
   and his courts with praise;
   give thanks to him and praise his name.
For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
   his faithfulness continues through all generations.

music is beautiful.

2011-10-24T06:51:00.000-07:00

Sooo....it's been awhile since I've posted. Yes, there are a lot of things going on here....but most things don't seem that important or require too much energy to write about.

So instead here's what I've currently been listening to. You should check it out.

Josh Garrels- Farther Along

Gungor- You Have Me

The Civil Wars- Barton Hollow

Enjoy.

precious Lily.

2011-08-05T06:15:00.000-07:00

I'm writing with a heavy heart today. My very close and dear friends Carl and Carolyn Frost welcomed baby Lily into their family on July 12, 2011. This past Monday Lily became very sick and has been down at Riley hospital for the last 60 hours. She has been diagnosed with Group B Streptococcus Meningitis.

I had the chance to go down there yesterday and pray with them, cry with them, and just be there. Carl is one of the pastors at the church I attend in Muncie. I've known Carl since I was a freshman at BSU and had the privilege of being one of Carolyn's bridesmaids in their wedding 5 years ago. They have another little adorable boy, Lincoln, who is 2.5 years old.

I am asking that you pray for them. Pray for Carl and Carolyn. Pray for Lily. Pray for Lincoln. Pray for our community in Muncie as we learn how to best love and serve them during this time.

You can follow their story here: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/lilyfrost

Thanks for being a beautiful part of my story and joining with me as we lift this special family up in prayer.

tomorrow.

2011-07-26T14:05:00.000-07:00

tomorrow.
i can't believe i'll be back in muncie tomorrow.
i've made some good friends this summer.
some will be back in muncie with me.
others won't.
i've grown.
i've loved.
i've rested.
my character has been challenged.
i've discovered more of who I am.
i'm still learning.
growing.
and discovering.
for all of this i'm thankful.

beach life.

2011-07-23T12:27:00.000-07:00

forgiveness.

2011-07-13T10:14:00.000-07:00

what does forgiveness look like?

Forgiveness will be hard work, but it’s worth it. Sit and pray for the person you’ve been hating. Sit and imagine them with a good life, them coming to realize that what they did was wrong, maybe not to you, but to somebody—perhaps to God. Then be willing to love them in your heart. Want the best for them. Hope for the best for them. Stop praying for God to destroy them and pray for God to bless them. Pray for God to open up their hearts so they can receive the love that will stop them from hurting others. This is the only way I know how to forgive.

But the greatest thing about forgiveness is it will allow you to love again. It will allow you to love and be loved. And believe me, it’s worth it. Forgiveness is tough, for sure, but love is infinitely more valuable than the pain of forgiveness costs. No matter what you have to go through to forgive, you’re getting a steal of a deal to be able to love and be loved again. Pay the price and I promise you’ll be happy you did.

whoa. the amount of freedom that is available through forgiveness is awesome. pray for me. pray that i will be able to experience the freedom that comes from being able to love and be loved again.

the courage to love boldly.

2011-06-21T07:19:00.000-07:00

i've been reading this book called "better than my dreams." it tackles the idea that though the story of my life may not be what i hoped for, there are hidden treasures of grace waiting to be discovered. face the fear of being disappointed, find the freedom to love, and learn to rest in the mercy of God with renewed confidence.

most of the time i want to just take this book and throw it against the wall. not because i don't like it. i do. but because i don't want to deal with life's disappointments on most days. or any day really. but i've been really challenged by the book lately. here are a few thoughts that i'm currently trying to process.

anyone in a friendship or a relationship that's stuck----really stuck--- knows what fortitude it takes to say, "we've got to do this dance a little differently. we're both dying here." yet how do we know that this kind of courage is truly the face of love? why isn't it love to simply contiune to accommodate, to tiptoe on eggshells, to keep dancing in place?

our misery is meant to lead us to the courage we need. we have to find Christ as the source of our identity and worth. that will often stretch someone we love where they need to be stretched. it's a regular blue-light, two for one special- and that's why it's love. it provides the other person's ticket home too, if he wants to take it.

indeed, courage is the face of love when it invites the other person into growth and freedom--which, for a Christian, means that you are learning to actively trust God in places where old fears and insecurities have controlled you.

for this reason the bible says, very simply, that part of love is taking people where they are. "accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God," paul wrote. sometimes acceptance leads to the greatest miracle of all---just being able to hang in there with someone. God enlarges your heart to hold the good and the bad in one container. you can respect someone's strength and yet also see the insecurities as part of the same package. bearing with someone allows you to see the stony silence as a reflection of the broken, scared kid in him. less and less can you be fooled into thinking his/her response is always and inevitably a reflection of you.

perhaps God does offer a different sort of wonderful than the one i had in mind.

something beautiful.

2011-05-25T18:03:00.000-07:00

my life is moving. changing. emerging.

i'm about to finish my fifth year of teaching.
i'm attending my 10 year high school reunion in the fall.
i've been an aunt for six years.
i've been a dog owner for two years.
i've been a home owner for a year.

i'm spending the summer in va beach.
and i couldn't be more excited about it.
i'm excited for new friends.
i'm longing for sunrises and sunsets on the beach.
i'm ready for bike riding.
i'm excited for time with jesus.
my life is about to become something beautiful.
and i hope i come back renewed. refreshed. inspired.

oh, america.

2011-05-14T09:37:00.000-07:00

it's no surprise that i really enjoyed this article. you can click on the link or just see below.

Two writers reflect on a conflicting return to the United States after years away.

After a year of eating the same rice, beans and tortillas; sleeping in a barn; contracting malaria and fleas; and riding a dilapidated tractor for transport, you’d think we’d be happy to fly home to the United States. It’s never that simple.

Over the years, moving to and from the United States, Nicaragua, China and South Africa, we’ve seen much to love—and lament—on both sides of our nation’s borders.

Yes, “over there,” it’s as bad as it seems—the poverty, the wars, the lack of health care. What you see on the news is the real deal, somewhere. Half of the world’s population really lives on less than $2 a day. Sex trafficking, abuse, starvation—you name it—all happen, and they happen far too much.

But what you experience overseas is far from only all that.

When a person has very few financial resources, God can multiply spiritual ones. People who exist with a steady dose of danger often stop nursing fears that don’t matter. Patience and perseverance thrive. People learn to trust God even in the big stuff—when the food runs out, or authorities torch the church building or Dad dies.

The United States would never win an Olympic competition of hospitality, either. Many a traveler overseas has been blessed and awed when someone cooks their last chicken or gives the one bed in the house. Such community builds real social security. Compare that to many neighborhoods in the United States, where only rarely will a fallen tree or a blizzard draw neighbors into community reliance.

Back here, too, it’s as bad as it seems. The selfishness, the waste, the shallowness. These are still here and coming on ever faster.

And yet there’s a reason so many people around the world would love to live in the United States. We have plenty to be thankful for. Take freedom, for example. You really can live pretty much how you want to live.
Having all that freedom, and an education system that values creativity, makes a petri dish for crazy—and some wonderful—ideas. We come up with new business models, technology, causes and Lady Gaga. Ms. Gaga gets a lot of stares, but most people will fight for her right to party.

Americans are also fairly unique in wanting (and being able) to give free time and cash for a multitude of causes. We have a history of volunteerism and donating that makes possible everything from colleges, to full-time pastors to the Save the Turtle Society.

Speaking of colleges, our education system is nothing to scoff at.

And frankly, we’re funny: Jim Gaffigan, The Muppets, Community. Our informal and irreverent culture leaves lots of space for humor to spill out.

How, then, to live with the best of both worlds? One year into life back in the United States after seven years overseas, we’ve concluded: Humans stink at remaining concerned about what we do not see. Distractions and convincing logic pull our attention away from the poorest of the poor. The poor do not advertise. They do not blog. They do not pay you to go to work every day.

Community is also a hard nut to crack here. Coming back, we carried eager hopes of getting to know our neighborhood as well as in Africa. We even chose an area with small yards where we thought we would easily strike up conversations. But cars carried people into garages that ate them up without a chance to chat.
We also find ourselves spending more and accumulating stuff. It helps to stop and imagine a conversation in which we ask a good friend from Nicaragua how to spend our money. This keeps us from being overly legalistic—poor people treat themselves sometimes, too—but reminds us to spend thoughtfully. We also try to practice the ridiculous generosity we’ve experienced, like giving away a painting or offering to help pay off someone’s student loans. Whether they accept or not, it’s a reminder to not cling to what we own.

A like-minded community helps, too. Find friends who have traveled and who live differently because of it. Brainstorm ways you can give back to the places you have seen, and keep the memories fresh by talking about them.

The starry-eyed convictions that feel crystal clear on the airplane ride home quickly fade, and we can end up focused on work, family, Facebook and food like everybody else. Or we can find the same guy to bag our groceries every week and ask, “How’s your family?” We can invite over neighbors, even if they don’t reciprocate or send a check to World Vision instead of buying a $200 gaming system.

So raise the Stars ’n Stripes, and God bless Americas—both North and South—plus Africa, Europe, Australia and Asia, too.

thoughts.

2011-04-27T15:52:00.000-07:00

today, i heard the news that one of my student's relatives passed away. it was her uncle. he was 24 years old. i don't know all the details surrounding what happened but what i do know is that he died instantly in a car accident.

i've dealt with this before. death in the classroom. however, for reasons very close to my heart, this one is different.

you see, i have a niece that is 6 years old. the same age as the student in my classroom. i imagined if it was sydney getting the news that something bad had happened to me. what would she think? what would she say? who would she blame? how would she react?

i wonder the same about the girl in my classroom. will she understand? will she know that her uncle loved her? will she be angry with God? will she struggle to understand why the adults around are so sad? the world may suddenly seem ominous in a way that it hadn't before.

my heart breaks for the little 6 year old girl in my classroom. the one that loved her uncle. the one that may not understand for a long time.

what's for dinner?

2011-04-25T14:28:00.000-07:00

my friend sarah (http://totalbassetcase.blogspot.com/) posts her weekly dinner menus for the blogging world. i've found it really helpful to plan out my meals as well. enjoy!

This week:

Monday- broccoli and tomato stir fry
Tuesday- homemade chicken alfredo
Wednesday- beef fried rice
Thursday- cheesy italian tortellini
Friday- out to eat

what are you having?

quotes.

2011-04-24T17:40:00.000-07:00

my friend Adam over at http://bouse.posterous.com enjoys quotes like i do. here are some Ann Lamott quotes i stole off his blog. check them both out. they write good things.

"You can either practice being right or practice being kind."

"I don't think you have time to waste not writing because you are afraid you won't be good at it."

"When the ancient Egyptians finished building the pyramids, they had built the pyramids."

"I'm here to be me, which is taking a great deal longer than I had hoped."

"You can safely assume you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do."

"It is hard to remember that you are a cherished spiritual being when you're burping up apple fritters and Cheetos."

"Forgiveness is giving up all hope of having had a better past."

"It's funny: I always imagined when I was a kid that adults had some kind of inner toolbox full of shiny tools: the saw of discernment, the hammer of wisdom, the sandpaper of patience. But then when I grew up I found that life handed you these rusty bent old tools - friendships, prayer, conscience, honesty - and said 'do the best you can with these, they will have to do'. And mostly, against all odds, they do."

a new favorite.

2011-04-24T07:24:00.000-07:00

My coworker made this for my birthday....and I LOVE it. You should love it too.

It is so simple and easy to make and it is a great alternative to the traditional chocolate Texas Sheet Cake and of course I love the almond flavor! It is made in a large jelly roll pan so it makes a lot.

Texas Almond Sheet Cake
1 cup butter
1 cup water
Place above ingredients in saucepan and bring to a boil. Let cool a bit.

In another bowl combine:
2 cups flour
2 cups sugar

In another bowl add together:
2 beaten eggs
1/2 cup light sour cream
1 1/2 tsp. almond extract – not imitation
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. baking soda

Spray jelly roll pan with cooking spray, bake at 375 degrees for 20-25 minutes just until lightly brown. Let cool 30 minutes.

Frosting;
Combine and bring to boil:
1 cup butter
1/4 cup milk (heaviest)
Then add 4 1/2 cups powdered sugar and 1 tsp. almond extract. Frost cake and eat! Top with sliced almonds.

in the last 24 hours....

2011-04-18T14:12:00.000-07:00

these things have made my heart happy:

1. hot tub house church.
2. ultimate frisbee.
3. being told that i would be missed over the summer.
4. beth booking her flight from VA! road trip buddy!
5. my coworker making her delicious almond sheet cake (and sharing some with me!)
6. sunshine.
7. making new friends.
8. being reminded that "everyone makes mistakes."
9. thai smile 2.
10. that darn puppy. she's just so much fun.

time.

2011-04-12T16:59:00.000-07:00

i need time.
time to write.
time to think.
time to pray.
time to be.

28.

2011-04-04T13:03:00.000-07:00

my sister got me a birthday card that i really love this year.

we didn't come here to fit in.
we came here to be who we are.
we didn't come here to work.
we came here to live our dreams.
we didn't come here for the stuff.
we came here to love each other.
we didn't come here by accident.
we each came here with a purpose
that is uniquely our own.

be.
dream.
love.
thrive.

always.

i love the words. and i love that it's from my sister.
happy birthday to me!

6.

2011-03-05T05:54:00.000-08:00

i can't believe my niece is 6. seems like just yesterday we were at st. vincent's seeing her for the first time, welcoming her to our world.
and now.....
beautiful.
independent.
creative.
fearless.
sweet.

happy birthday to the sweetest 6 year old i know! i can't wait to see what life brings your way.

While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about.
~Angela Schwindt

self.

2011-03-05T05:32:00.000-08:00

i'm starting to realize some things about myself.

1. i'm a peace maker. to the maxxxx.
2. i'm super compassionate/emphatetic.
3. i can't sit still for very long.
4. i'm a terrible sick person.
5. when it comes down to it, i'm pretty quiet.
6. i tend to over commit myself at times.
7. i love to give generously. it feels so liberating.

all this seems to effect my life in many different ways.

arizona sky.

2011-02-24T15:29:00.000-08:00

realizations.

2011-02-18T15:05:00.000-08:00

I've already realized a couple things since I've been here.

1. I need to just be. I need to just go outside, lay out on a chair, and look up at the sky more. And all the wonder that is. It's really beautiful.

2. I miss Guatemala City. A lot. We went into an all mexican grocery store today and it was instant. I remembered. I felt. It was surprising to me.

I can't wait to shoot the heck out of these beautiful sunsets.
More to come.

something different. something beautiful.

2011-02-08T18:04:00.000-08:00

i'm sure this won't come as much of a shock.
but i don't want to go back to work next school year.
i can't explain it. well, maybe i could....but i'm not sure it would make any sense.
i just want to do something different. something beautiful.
it's go time.

dry.

2011-02-05T12:39:00.000-08:00

so i love winter. and i love target. a perfect little combo if you ask me.

i recently bought my first pair of legitimate snow boots. i'm sure my mom and dad bought me snow boots when i was little but for as long as i can remember, i trudged through the snow in tennis shoes. i almost bought a pair a month ago but couldn't bring myself to spend $30 on them. well lucky me, target had them for $7.49. (yes, you read that right.) $7.49. they were on super clearance and i snagged a pair for myself.

best decision i've made all winter.

i love them. seriously. my feet have never been happier. warm. dry. happy.

remember.

2011-02-01T20:44:00.000-08:00

sometimes i feel really crazy. emotional, out of control crazy.
not often. but sometimes.
sometimes life seems hard. things go wrong. friendships are hard. expectations are unmet.
but then i remember her. and somehow life is back in perspective.
and for that, i'm thankful.

more don.

2011-01-27T19:23:00.000-08:00

deal with it.

"It made me wonder if the reasons our lives seem so muddled is because we keep walking into scenes in which we, along with the people around us, have no clear idea what we want."

"I think this is when most people give up on their stories. They come out of college wanting to change the world, wanting to get married, wanting to have kids and change the way people buy office supplies. But they get into the middle and discover it was harder than they thought. They can't see the distant shore anymore, and they wonder if their paddling is moving them forward. None of the trees behind them are getting smaller and none of the trees ahead are getting bigger. They take it out on their spouses, and they go looking for an easier story."

"I believe the greatest trick of the devil is not to get us into some sort of evil but rather have us wasting time. This is why the devil tries so hard to get Christians to be religious. If he can sink a man's mind into habit, he will prevent his heart from engaging God. I was into habit."

"The most difficult lie I have ever contended with is this: life is a story about me."

"I think the things we want most in life, the things we think will set us free, are not the thing we need."

2011-01-23T18:07:00.000-08:00

most of the time i have a strong urge to write...but i don't really know what to write about. when this happens, i default to bullet points. (and think of stacey when this happens :) )

i've been looking through pictures from the summer. i miss sunny, warm weather.
my thermostat says it's 67 degrees in my house right now. soooo cold.
my shoulder still hurts when i do most things. the worst is when i write.
i can't eat hot and ready's (pizza) anymore. they make me feel awful.
i hate how awkward it can be to hang out with you lately. it makes my heart hurt.
i need to use facebook less. i'm failing with that ny's resolution.
i still love my dog even when she barks a lot.
i don't like being afraid.
i like to be generous.
i love my sister. i love that we share life throughout the day :)
i wish i could wear pajama pants/sweat pants all the time.
my ball state sweatshirt blanket is the best.thing.ever!
i'm excited for arizona in february. yummmm.....chili rellenos.
i still have a weird, strong urge to go to LT this summer.
i have some of the best friends a girl could ask for. i'm thankful for them.
god loves me. and he loves you too.

free.

2011-01-19T18:52:00.001-08:00

I feel like the weight of the world is all crashing down on me
And somehow I just don't believe this is how it is supposed to be
And all this expectation on the way I'm suppose to live
Becomes my minds distraction with nothing left to give

You said Your burden is light and Your load is no more
You said Your ways are right and in You I would soar

I wanna be free
Free to dance and free to sing
Free to live and love and…
Free, oh, free to be me

I feel like my heart is being beat down into the ground
In You I'm longing for some peace to be found
I know the heaviness that's making me cold
Is stealing my youthful soul and making me old

You said Your burden is light and Your load is no more
Cause, You said Your ways are right and in You I would soar

I wanna be free
Free to dance and free to sing
Free to live and love and…
Free, oh, free to be me.

- shawn mcdonald

new year.

2011-01-02T18:18:00.000-08:00

i'm not big on making new years goals. mostly because i fail at them.
but i want to believe this year can be different.

let’s face it. most new year’s resolutions are boring—lose 10 pounds, save more money, read through the Bible, quit a bad habit. these may be noble and important goals, but if sharing them makes your friends doze off before the ball drops on Friday night, there’s a good chance that you’re living a boring story.

yet, boring or not. here we go. here are some 'resolutions' for the new year.

read the entire bible.
work out more.
eat out less.
see the mountains. swim in an ocean. (i think this means 'go on more vacations')
take more pictures.
regularly eat breakfast.
run in another race. either 5K, 10K, or mini-marathon. (maybe all threeee.)
facebook less.
go on a mission trip.
read books/articles more.
send a card to someone once a week. (in the mail)
shop less. save more.
eat more meals with people. be intentional.
pray more. journal more.

i want to live an exciting story this year. i want to live a great story. i want to be happy. healthy. encouraging. honest. open. motivated. generous. faithful.

"And once you live a good story, you get a taste for a kind of meaning in life, and you can't go back to being normal; you can't go back to meaningless scenes stitched together by the forgettable thread of wasted time." -donald miller

lottery.

2010-12-29T15:44:00.000-08:00

Today, 2.6 billion people—40 percent of the world’s population—live on less than $2 a day. Americans, who make up less than 5 percent of the world’s population, live on an average $105 a day. That means the typical American has more material wealth than 96 percent of the world’s people. Even a student earning $105 a week is wealthier than 85 percent of the world. Crazy.
But it has to be about more than money. Poverty is about lack of essentials such as food, clean water, and basic health care. Poverty is about lack of hope for the future, because your children can’t get an education—if they survive their first five years of life. Poverty is about not being able to find meaningful work. Poverty is about lack of dignity.

One of my favorite quotes and things to think about comes from a man named John Drage, a pastor in Missouri. He says "How did I, in a sense, get to win the lottery?"

I've always dreamed on wining the lottery. Who doesn't? Ahhh...the idea of millions of dollars flooding my bank account. Never working again, giving money to family and friends, living the life. But let's be honest, most of us won't win the lottery in our lifetime.

Or have we already "won the lottery?"

We live in the wealthiest country. We are the richest people, in the richest nation to date. And there is just so much need around us. Most of us don't worry about our next meal. We drive new cars. We live in nice homes, in safe neighborhoods. We have more clothes than our closet will hold.

So, I don't know why God choose me. I'm not sure why I, in a sense, won the lottery.

But I'm thankful. And challenged.
With much wealth comes much responsibility.

sydney.

2010-12-26T18:09:00.000-08:00

i love my niece. a lot. and this holiday season proved no different.

“To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there.”

all i can say.

2010-12-05T14:06:00.000-08:00

"And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give, that's my everything."

bullet points.

2010-11-30T16:59:00.000-08:00

I swear, I need a brain catheter. I have so much in my head that I need to get out, but I don’t have time to blog it all. So I usually wind up not blogging/journaling at all, and it all gets mashed up in an internal traffic jam.

I wish writing came easier to me. Or maybe it's the processing part that is so damn difficult. Thoughts race around in my head constantly....but I find myself in this place again, unable to communicate them.

I’m going to reduce my intellectual essence into a meaningless trail of bullet points:

Can my life–my thoughts, my feelings– really be reduced to a list of bullet points?
My heart continues to break for the people/children in Guatemala.
I love winter and Christmas time.
I could write about how much I love my roommates. And how having roommates is such a unique season of my life. And how I need to cherish it.
I could write about how I long to do something different with my life.
For some crazy reason I've been thinking about going to LT this summer.
I want to see my family more.
I love music...more than a lot. I wish I could listen throughout the day. It makes me happy.
I could go on and on about how I have some of the best friends in the world. I'm thankful.
I'm afraid of doing most things. "Fear is a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life." -donald miller
Most of the time, I feel guilty for not working out. Turns out when I feel guilty I don't do anything.
I could write about how I never imagined being 27 and not married. And how I'm ok with that.
Am I living a life with no regrets?

And these are just some of my thoughts.

random.

2010-11-14T19:17:00.000-08:00

i don't care what you think. i love john mayer. and i will be wearing stocking caps this winter.

i also love don miller. and, of course, his latest post. read it for yourself here but these are my favorite parts.

"I’m honestly not trying to find much of anything I lack anymore. And I say that in the face of not having gotten so many of the things I thought I needed. I found my soul. I’m not sure where, but I found it and it feels very complete. I’m not very afraid of death anymore (don’t try to run me down with your car to see if I flinch, because I will) because I know that what we all really want is on the other side of this collective experience we are all having. But my soul is fine.

I wish I could go back and talk to myself when I was twenty. I’d say to myself “listen, don’t worry about the things you’ve been worrying about. Everything is going to work out great.” And I’d likely clarify with myself that “In the future I get everything I need?” And I’d say back to myself “No, you just realize you didn’t need it. And that’s even better.”

i want to take more pictures.
i want to exercise more.
i want to read for fun.
i want to be free. free to be me.

favorite.

2010-11-06T22:43:00.000-07:00

I love the fall. It's certainly one of my favorite times of the year.

alive.

2010-10-19T16:15:00.000-07:00

What makes you come alive? I find myself asking that question all the time. For myself. What makes me come alive?

If someone has the answer for me, I'll give you something really great. Like a hug or the middle brownie.

Howard Thurman wrote: "Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

Sure money matters in life but beyond earning enough to live comfortably in the world and cover your basic needs, every new dollar of income does not add significantly to your enjoyment of life. This has to be true. What does matter, though, is doing what you love and then, somehow, figuring out how to earn what you need. I wonder if I need to embrace what makes me come alive and pursue it even if I don’t know where it might lead.

So what is it. What makes me come alive?

As I sit here, I struggle to figure out exactly what are the topics, content, processes and activities are that light my fire. The things that make me pant with anticipation and lose time when I'm doing them? It shouldn't be this overwhelming.

We are in the midst of some difficult days in our world's history. Billions of people are poor, millions go hungry or thirsty every day. I've seen it. Disease claims thousands of lives daily. But I keep coming back to this idea that I have been given an opportunity to make a big difference. Me. Wow. And what if I did? What if I was somehow able to rock the world with hope? With love?

I want to live my life in such a way that the world will be glad I did.

guatemala video.

2010-10-03T19:10:00.000-07:00

this weather makes me happy.

2010-09-04T20:08:00.000-07:00

really happy.
really really happy.

i'm going to walk to church again tomorrow morning. i love that.
i might even drink some more vanilla chai. delicious.
and i'll get my camera out and take pictures. i haven't since guatemala.

"oh happiness. there's grace enough for us and the whole human race. oh happiness." -dcb

lessons learning.

2010-08-13T21:12:00.000-07:00

Learning. To know, see, realize or observe. To grasp or comprehend.

I find myself looking at my Guatemala pictures and remembering the desperate conditions people were living in. As I sit in my bed, listening to my ipod, those conditions still exist. They don't go away once our plane flies out of the city. Places like the dump and ghetto are real. They exist whether or not we purposefully think about them. I remember in the moments at the dump and ghetto thinking "Where is hope in a place like this?" But, as the week wore on and we met more and more people who were quietly giving their lives to the people of this city, I was struck with a sense that this is exactly where Jesus would be. Somehow a sense of hope exists in this seemingly hopeless place.

At this point, I have a few semi-connected thoughts running through my head and I may write more fully on some of them in the coming days and weeks.

Ashley (the missionary) gets it. She is living out all the “missional” stuff that we always talk about here in America. But there is one main difference – I don’t know that I have ever met someone who believes in the transforming power of the Gospel and power of prayer as much as she does. That belief is contagious and I’ve been infected. She truly loves these people.
Praying with someone who doesn’t speak your language is a test on how much you actually believe in prayer. After we met most people, we prayed with them. Men. Women. Children. We prayed. As a group we would pray. I realized that this might be one of the only times I have prayed with someone and my words were only being heard by God. These people had no clue what we were saying and they weren't going to be impressed with how eloquent our prayers were. I almost didn’t know what to do. Sometimes I found myself just silent. This hit me hard.
Responding to God’s calling doesn’t always make sense. I am always stuck with people's willingness to say “yes” when God placed a call on their lives. As ridiculous as it may seem. As a group, I think we were able to see a beautiful wreck-less abandon Ashley and others are living with. We calculate too much.
The people of Guatemala can only see a day in front of them, on their good days. They really don’t have the luxury of having too many long term plans. They don’t necessarily know where their next meal will come from let alone their next pay check. The result? Desperate dependence on prayer. We have a long way to go
They love their children and want the best for them, as well. Even though it may be hard to understand in the midst of suffering conditions, the women and families we met truly want the best for their kids. To escape poverty. To break the cycle. To create something different.
I cannot go back to normal. Instead, the biggest challenge we have now is to redefine normal. For now, I’m seeking to be faithful to the roles and worlds that God has placed me. At work. At home. In Muncie. We’ll see where that leads.
Jesus is still enough. If Jesus was all you had, would Jesus be enough for you? For most of the people we met, all they had was Jesus. Literally. And they believed with a relentless faith that God is good. Somewhere, something else has became more important than Jesus. I know for me I do not need more of the Lord, because He has already given Himself completely to me. I just need less of everything else.

Stop for a moment and imagine this is where you lived. And take a moment to pray for the people who live there. Pray that they would understand their value. Pray that they would know they are loved – by God and by others. Pray that they would know there is hope in the midst of despair.

As my friend Donald Miller says, "Dying for something is easy because it is associated with glory. Living for something is the hard thing. Living for something extends beyond fashion, glory, or recognition. We live for what we believe."

forever changed.

2010-08-08T08:22:00.000-07:00

I'm going to try and tell my story. A story filled with hope. A story of beautiful children who captured my heart. A story of spending a week amongst horrible living conditions. It's a hard yet beautiful story to tell.

A week. 7 days. How can a week go by so fast yet so slow? I've thought a million times what I'm going to write here and how I'm going to begin and what order I'll put it in and I think I've been so afraid to come back here...so afraid of not doing Guatemala justice...of leaving something out...of attaching simple words to an event that is so far from simple, it might just not be possible.

But I need to get it out. I don't know how it's going to come or if it will make sense, but I'm just going to write.

The story of a week in Guatemala City. Here I go.

.theghetto.

There is an estimate of 60,000-100,000 people living in La Limonada. (the ghetto) It is an urban slum community built into a ravine that runs through the city. Many of the families live with no electricity or running water. This culture of extreme poverty has produced a lack of education and job opportunities, creating a desperation for hope.

Kids are born into this lifestyle, creating a cycle of poverty that they only know. Children suffer sexual abuse, participate in illegal drugs, and become involved in gang activity. The government makes little attempt to help.

Yet, there is hope. Hope for a brighter future. Hope for clean water. Hope for food. Hope for beds. This week, our group was able to provide a little hope.

.thedump.

This dump is a place I don’t want to know exists on this scale, much less that people live and work here.

Most of us successfully strive to forget that each day, we wear or consume what we need (or simply want), and we also discard pounds of packaging, broken objects, tattered clothes, and spoiled food. We don’t want to know in clear detail where that debris and spoilage goes or what it amounts to when piled and left by the ton.

How do I find the moments of beauty in these lives while documenting the harsh realities and their struggles?
The dump itself was challenging. The whole thing was horribly ugly.

We don’t want to know that somewhere, anywhere, in the world, people live and work amidst these piles with the fetid smells and the constant sounds of trucks, bulldozers, and cawing birds in order to support themselves and their families. Or, that some of these families have lived there for generations.

.doriespromise.

The warm and welcoming home called Dorie's Promise is a place where children with no families, no home, and no hope for the future can find love. More than 400 children have been adopted from Dorie’s Promise Guatemala. Countless women in the community have been impacted too through the Promise of Life ministry that reached out to women in trouble – giving them education, counseling, and providing homes for many. We had the opportunity to interact with these special moms throughout the week.

Max is a 2 week old little boy, abandoned by his family. I remember the night I was feeding him, rocking back and forth. I looked down at his helpless little body and began to cry out to God. I prayed for Max. I prayed that one day he would know love. That one day he would belong to a family that cherished him. I prayed for his birth mom. That one day she would know love. It was in that moment that little Max grabbed onto my finger and looked up at me with his eyes wide open. Perhaps he understood in that moment a little what love looks like.

Today Dorie’s Promise Guatemala continues to operate. It is one of the few private orphanages to remain open in Guatemala after international adoptions were closed in 2008. Orphaned children who come to live at Dorie’s Promise Guatemala receive a level of love and care that far surpasses any government standards, and gives every child the hope for a future and a life forever changed.

As you walk through the grounds, you see the bright shining faces of children playing games in the playground. You see special mom's dancing with babies throughout the houses. You hear laughter. You see grace. You experience love.

At the heart of what makes Dorie's Promise different is their commitment to care for the orphan that will never be adopted. To not only make sure he or she has a home and food – but that they’re loved, appreciated, and given the opportunity to grow into the man or woman God called them to be.

.mamacarmens.

There is a sameness to the barrios of Guatemala City, industrial metal doors crowding in on narrow streets. The doors hide the truth of the lives behind, but the biting poverty of this neighborhood was hard to disguise.
Little fingers appeared and disappeared from under the heavy door teasing us to grab. Something was off, but I couldn’t put my finger on what. The absence of something is hard to define.

Children were everywhere in the tiled one-car garage. Mama Carmen, a squat woman somewhere over 50 with long black, white, and gray hair pulled back into a straggly pony tail, looked every bit the image of the little old lady in the shoe.

Somewhere around 70 children are packed into this small ten-room building, most under the age of six. A few stay only while their mothers work, but for most, this is home. Although she has help from a few family members, Mama Carmen is sometimes the only one present. It turns out that the family courts are beginning to send her children they have removed from abusive homes or the streets, but most of these children were brought by their mothers who were unable or unwilling to care for them.

We had the privilege to take 30 of the kids to park several blocks away to play all morning. Most of the time they are left to be in the garage, other than to leave for school. The streets are too unsafe to play outside of Mama Carmens.

.thebeautyofantigua.

We spent a day sightseeing and exploring the nearby town of Antigua. Antigua is a gem of a city. Surrounded by three volcanoes and blessed with perfect weather, the city is full of hidden surprises. If you looked straight ahead, all you would see might be the multicolored walls of the houses, the stone-paved streets, and the friendly people. Turn your head to the side, though, and other worlds open up with every doorway. The hotels, restaurants, and stores which make up the majority of the central part of the city stretch way back; almost all are open inside, many with garden patios, flowers, and even fountains. The cathedrals are even more impressive - not so much the chapels, but rather the ruins, hundreds of years old, which lie among the grass.

.usa.

I will continue living life in Indiana. There will be pain. There will be tears. There will be happiness. There will be. We have to somehow embrace this beauty and make something of it. We have to hope. We must believe. We will hold this precious gift called life and know that we are lucky. I feel lucky. I feel privileged. I feel there is a story so beautiful in store...and we get to live it. Wow.

I did it. I told my story. I told my story of the forgotten.

home is where your heart is.

2010-07-22T06:03:00.000-07:00

whelp i'm all moved in to the new house and settled for the most part. it's crazy to have all this space. i can actually cook in the kitchen, comfortably shave in the bathtub, and sit outside in the mornings on my front porch. i love it.

i'm thankful for my two roommates. i smile every time i pull up to the house and their cars are here. turns out, i've missed having roommates. and it's nice because they are two super cool girls.

here are some pictures of the house:

listening.

2010-06-17T15:12:00.000-07:00

here's what has currently been on the IPOD:

john mayer

bebo norman

joshua radin

what have you been listening to?

today i'm thankful for...

2010-06-08T12:02:00.000-07:00

1. 75 degree and sunny weather.
2. A playful puppy (even if she barks a lot)
3. Spending time with Erin.
4. Friends that sleep on my couch.
5. Church softball.
6. The laughter of a baby.
7. Little girls turning 4.
8. Eating lunch anytime I want.
9. Sleeping in :)
10. Getting a letter in the mail from one of my students.
11. Clean water.
12. Guatemala support coming in.
13. Having a roof over my head.
14. Family.
15. Car rides through the country.

2010-06-02T14:08:00.000-07:00

school's out for the summer!

different.

2010-05-19T13:16:00.001-07:00

(from my friend Katie's blog...)

Let's be different.

Let's start something.

Let's make a difference.

friends.

2010-05-17T15:48:00.000-07:00

You know me. I love Donald Miller.

There is just something about his writing that I love. It's so practical and relational. And I love it.

His most recent article at relevantmagazine.com is a must read. It's from a book originally titled "To Own a Dragon" which of course I've read.

You Are Who Your Friends Are.

It's true. We do become like the people we hang out with. I'm so thankful for that truth. I have some of the best friends and community of people to live life with. They have taught me about God, life, relationships, forgiveness, humility, generosity, sacrifice, and love. I'm sure there's more.

Donald Miller says who you hang out with matters more than you think. I agree.

archie.

2010-05-03T16:24:00.001-07:00

my dad and suzie have the cutest dog. spoiled but cute.

love is what makes you smile when you're tired.

2010-04-09T13:34:00.000-07:00

i'm so sick of being tired. all the time. and yes, i get plenty of sleep. some people have told me i might have sleep apnea. i don't know what it is...but i'm tired. i'm tired of feeling tired. i'm tired of not having energy. it affects my mood. i'm irritable. at work. at home. i feel exhausted when i wake up. i feel exhausted in the afternoon. and i feel tired most evenings. i could fall asleep most nights before 8pm if i let myself.

and in the midst of all that, i really want to run another marathon. i want to prove something to myself. it's going to be hard. it's going to take courage. self discipline. but i'm ready. i think?

i'm guessing that i'll i need physical energy to make my marathon training more enjoyable.

41 days.

2010-04-06T16:11:00.000-07:00

....not that i'm counting down or anything.

41 days. 41 school days.

it makes me so excited for the summer.

cookouts.
sleeping in.
sunny weather.
exercising.
church softball.
road trips.
vacation.
smoothies.

ahhhh.....41 days.

2010-04-05T16:45:00.000-07:00

"I've learned this year, after my first winter in New York, that Spring only makes sense because of Winter. You notice the warm sun on your face because it hasn't been there. The Spring means more in the North because Winter is a very real thing here.

Ryan sang the words "You were meant for amazing things" and i wondered if that was really all we're there to say. We go in hopes that people stay alive and fight to live that they might arrive at a day where those words feel possible and true. We live a thousand different stories and all our different seasons and who can say when Winter or victory or Spring. Perhaps all we can do is go together, win and lose together, because both are better that way, because we deserve a people and a place and a color and a team.

Spring only makes sense because of winter.
Maybe happiness only makes sense because of pain...
We're in this together guys, we'll be ok eventually. Maybe we aren't having the greatest season. But look at butler, even the underdog wins at some point.

And then perhaps it's true that we are wired to root for the underdog, to cheer the unlikely ending, the win where loss is likely."

- to write love on her arms.

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." -Mignon McLaughlin

2010-03-28T17:54:00.000-07:00

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. - 1 Corinthians 13.

What If?

2010-03-25T08:22:00.000-07:00

Donald Miller, you've done it again.

You can read the blog post here.

The question is: What if? The question "What if?" can radically change our story and our lives.

If your story has gotten boring, perhaps it’s time to ask yourself the what if question. Try this, in the comment box, just brainstorm five what if questions as fast as you can. Try to to take the suggestion seriously, but do it fast. What will begin to happen is you’ll begin to dream, you’ll stop thinking of life as stagnant, and you’ll be reminded that life, for the most part, is what you make of it.

Here's are my "What If's?":

What if I ran another marathon?
What if I went back to school for my Masters?
What if I really loved God with all that I am?
What if I got rid of my tv?
What if I believed I could do all these things (and more)?

i'm going back to Guatemala!

2010-03-24T06:43:00.000-07:00

Recently, God has provided me with another opportunity to do relief work for orphans in Guatemala City! I'm honored and extremely humbled to be a part of it! This summer, during the week of July 31- Aug 7, our team will be partnering with Forever Changed International (http://www.foreverchangedinternational.org/), an organization that operates one of the many orphanages in Guatemala City, Dorie’s Promise. Our church has developed a relationship with Forever Changed International and Ashley Williams (http://l2ashbash.xanga.com), the missions leader through a previous missions trip in 2008. She's an incredible gal who truly loves Jesus and the people of Guatemala.

Forever Changed International is “an organization dedicated to rescuing orphans and giving them a home, love, an education, and a chance to grow up knowing that God loves them and has a purpose for their lives.” It is my hope that I can share God’s love with the people we encounter and bring them hope that they are not forgotten, that people do care about them, and that God does have a purpose for their lives. As I have been preparing for this trip I’ve been struck with how fervently, through word and deed, Jesus talked of taking care of the poor and society’s outcasts. In the book of James it says that true religion is characterized by meeting the needs of those that are orphaned and widowed. We hope to put those words into action during our trip.

The 2008 trip was a life-changing experience for everyone that participated. Ashley Williams continues to form partnerships with other orphanages in Guatemala and those in her own community in La Limonada (the local dump which has become home to some of the poorest citizens of Guatemala). Guatemala is one of the poorest countries in Latin America with approximately 7.1 million people living in poverty, of which many are children.

donald miller, i really do love you. and your writing.

2010-02-18T14:52:00.000-08:00

"I think this is when most people give up on their stories. They come out of college wanting to change the world, wanting to get married, wanting to have kids. But they get into the middle and discover it was harder than they thought. They can't see the distant shore anymore, and they wonder if their paddling is moving them forward. None of the trees behind them are getting smaller and none of the trees ahead are getting bigger. They go looking for an easier story." -Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

"No, life cannot be understood flat on a page. It has to be lived; a person has to get out of his head, has to fall in love, has to memorize poems, has to jump off bridges into rivers, has to stand in an empty desert and whisper sonnets under his breath... We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?" -Donald Miller,Through Painted Deserts"

"When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are."
— Donald Miller, A Million Miles In A Thousand Years

"I can't do it. It would be like, say, trying to fall in love with somebody, or trying to convince yourself that your favorite food is pancakes. You don't decide those things, they just happen to you. If God is real, He needs to happen to me."
— Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz

"I believe the greatest trick of the devil is not to get us into some sort of evil but rather have us wasting time. This is why the devil tries so hard to get Christians to be religious. If he can sink a man's mind into habit, he will prevent his heart from engaging God. I was into habit." — Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz

"My most recent faith struggle is not one of intellect. I don’t really do that anymore. Sooner or later you just figure out there are some guys who don’t believe in God and they can prove He doesn't exist, and there are some other guys who do believe in God and they can prove He does exist, and the argument stopped being about God a long time ago and now it’s about who is smarter, and honestly I don’t care." — Donald Miller

Seriously. You should read his stuff. I have it all. Just ask.

love.

2010-02-14T16:35:00.000-08:00

I'm reading a book called Crazy Love by Francis Chan. And so is my lovely friend Bridgette.

You should read her blog. http://bridgetteshively.wordpress.com

I couldn't have said it better myself. Except that whole making googly-eyes at my valentine part.

"Which is more messed up - that we have so much compared to everyone else, or that we don't think we're rich? That on any given day we might flippantly call ourselves 'broke' or 'poor'? We are neither of those things. We are rich. Filthy rich." - Francis Chan, "Crazy Love"

p.s. happy valentines day.

thoughts...

2010-02-08T14:15:00.000-08:00

I need to write more. I feel as though I can't express myself for anything. I sit down ALL the time and try to journal and more than often, I come up with nothing. I'm always searching for the right words to use. I just need to write. write. write. write.

I've always wanted to be a good writer. There was a time in my life where I thought I was close to accomplishing that goal. I loved writing for the school newspaper in high school. Or maybe I just really appreciated my Journalism teacher. I came to BSU to become a writer. I sometimes think about how different my life would be today. Probably unemployed

I want to be creative. witty. intellectual. inspiring. expressive.

2009: Top 9

2009-12-31T11:55:00.001-08:00

1. Madi

I got a puppy this year! I can't believe how much I've enjoyed having her. She sure is a lot of responsibility but so much fun. How can you resist this face?!

2. Virginia Beach road trip

Visiting the beach this summer. I love the waves!

3. WWLT: Smokies

A beautiful, relaxing week in the mountains with some pretty amazing friends.

4. Biscuit World

So good it deserves it's own category.

5. Colts

My first Colts game ever (thanks Hunt family!) and a Dallas Clark jersey!

6. MJ

R.I.P. A candle light vigil in downtown Lynchburg the night of his death.

7. Bronco Volleyball

A crazy busy season...but lots of fun! My 4th season at Daleville!

8. New Camera

I got a new camera!!! It's fancy. My latest photo adventure: a picture a day throughout 2010.

9. IGNITE: deeper, wider, higher

3 days in Columbus, OH. A lifetime of inspiration.

2010. BAM!

2009-12-18T14:12:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the beginning of a new decade.

I really hate New Years Resolutions. I don't have a good reason for disliking them...except for 12 months from now I'll look back and realize I've failed at most of them.

One major thing I hope 2010 brings me is freedom.

- Freedom to be who God created me to be.
- Freedom to express myself.

Some others on the list:

- drink more hot tea.
- run another 1/2 marathon.
- laugh. alot.
- trust God more.
- love my family.
- write more. erase less.
- take more road trips.
- spend less time on facebook.
- exercise more.
- be a great friend. be a better listener.
- read more books.

ameature.

2009-10-29T15:03:00.000-07:00

thought provoking? i think so.

2009-10-16T16:36:00.000-07:00

I told you that I'm reading two different books. The following thoughts are from the book "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" by Don Miller.

"The ambitions we have will become the stories we live. If you want to know what a person's story is about, just ask them what they want. If we don't want anything, we are living boring stories, and if we want a Roomba vacuum cleaner, we are living stupid stories. If it won't work in a story, it won't work in life. "

"It's true that while ambition creates fear, it also creates the story. But it's a good trade, because as soon as you point toward the horizon, life no longer feels meaningless. And suddenly there is risk in your story and a question about whether you'll make it. "

"Humans are designed to seek comfort and order, and so if they have comfort and order, they tend to plant themselves, even if their comfort isn't all that comfortable. And even if they secretly want for something better. "

To feel most beautifully alive means to be reading something beautiful.

2009-10-07T10:40:00.000-07:00

I'm reading two different books right now.

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. I've been waiting years for this one.

"...to know there is a better story for your life and to choose something other is like choosing to die."

Unchristian.

Christians are supposed to represent Christ to the world. But according to the latest report card, something has gone terribly wrong. Using descriptions like “hypocritical,” “insensitive,” and “judgmental,” young Americans share an impression of Christians that’s nothing short of . . unChristian.

I'm excited about both. To learn from both. To enjoy both.

In other news:

- I got a Nikon D40.

- My dad comes soon.

- Vball. 3 weeks.

hello blog world...

2009-09-07T14:37:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile.

I could talk about how busy my life has been in the last month.
I could talk about the new furniture I was so graciously given. My living room feels so homey.
I could talk about how much i do love coaching volleyball. We're 5-3 so far.
I could go on and on about my new students...and how I'm reminded why I do love teaching. (even though I wish I could sleep in until 8am every day.)
I could remind you about my puppy and how ridiculously cute she is.
I could talk about how excited I am for the Revo getting back to normal. Oh, and how excited I am about TLR.
I could try and explain how life can be so damn difficult sometimes. But you already know.
I could start talking about how I feel like I'm getting old. All I want to do is be at home :)
I could tell you that I've been thinking about buying a home. And that makes me feel even older.
I could talk about how pumped I am for fall. Can't wait for football, leaves changing, apple cider, and sweatshirts. :)
I could talk about the michael jackson and mariah carey cd's I've recently added to my ipod.
I could tell you that I fantasize about the Revo doing a church plant somewhere cool. I'd go.
I could talk about how on most days right now, I leave at 7am and get home after 9pm.
I could talk about how excited I am to read A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Don Miller.

It would take too long to talk about life right now.

I promise to post again soon.

bold.

2009-07-22T18:49:00.001-07:00

arizona summers.

2009-07-20T12:20:00.000-07:00

Another great time in Arizona. Here are some pictures from the adventures out West!

Of course we had mexican food....a couple times :)

the beautiful sunset outside my dad's house.

tubing down the salt river! soooo much fun!

my adorable niece.

more of madi girl.

2009-07-07T16:02:00.001-07:00

she loooves to sleep :)

cute.

ridiculous.

seriously? she stayed like that for a long time.

the family is a haven in a heartless world.

2009-07-02T05:17:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday, I spent the day with Tonya and Sydney! We went and ran some errands in the morning, had lunch at taco bell (sydney's favorite), and then went to the zoo!

the monkeys!

at the dolphin show! so fun!

tonya and sydney :)

soooooooo cute.

just watching!

VB!

2009-06-27T09:59:00.000-07:00

Last week I went to Virginia with my friend Erin! We went to see Carl and Carolyn who are staying in Virginia Beach all summer! They have a great little set up, located just across the street from the ocean!

The waves were awesome and it was so fun to swim in the ocean! We also got to spend some time with some other BSU friends!

Here are some other pictures from the trip:

A big THANK YOU to carl and carolyn for being the best hosts! :)

hello, summer!

2009-06-02T08:30:00.000-07:00

There aren't many things throughout the year that I love more than the first day of summer vacation!

So summer, here I am. Bring on the fun, vacations, sleeping in, lunch with friends, watching tv throughout the day, playing with my puppy, sleeping in, road trips, sunshine, swimming, and much much more!

meet madi.

2009-05-10T14:05:00.000-07:00

i got a dog! she's even cuter in person!

my life at work...

2009-05-05T14:54:00.000-07:00

It's weird. I feel like we live two different lives. Our lives at work and then our lives outside of work. Most of the time, those worlds never collide.

So...... here are a few pictures from work. :)

alex and jackson

abby and jeremiah

my class

evan, khloe, and wesley

swingin'

2009-03-22T17:19:00.000-07:00

I love swings. There might not be anything more relaxing than swinging on a beautiful sunny day. I want someone to walk with, and swing with.

Arizona!!

2009-02-26T15:08:00.000-08:00

A couple weeks ago, my sister and I went to Arizona to visit Dad and Suzie! We had a great trip! The weather was awesome and I loved wearing flip flops everyday! We had awesome Mexican food too!

2009

2009-02-04T18:58:00.001-08:00

I won't call this post "New Year Resolutions." We are clearly a month (and a few days) past the new year and everyone fails at resolutions anyways.

These are just a list of goals for my life this year, even though I will more than likely screw up and fail miserably at most of them, most of the time. There is always hope....and luck :)
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1. Get a tattoo.
2. Play more board/card games.
3. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
4. Remember that no one is in charge of my happiness except me.
5. Forgive people often.
6. Visit friends in other cities.
7. No matter how I feel, get up, dress up, and show up.
8. Watch the sunrise. Sunset.
9. Exercise on a regular basis.
10. Take a spontaneous road trip.
11. Hug my students more, just to let them know I care.
12. Buy something completely crazy...just because.
13. Seek the advice of others.
14. Go Canoeing.
15. See mountains and the ocean.
16. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful in my life.
17. Read more books.
18. Join an adult volleyball league.
19. Write a handwritten letter to someone.
20. Take more pictures.
21. Pray daily.

The best is yet to come.

lyrical moments...

2009-01-19T18:25:00.000-08:00

Evenings that I don't have much to do leave me feeling torn. On one hand, I love them. I look forward to times when I just come home after work and relax. Today was one of those days. I ran some errands, did laundry, went to the gym, ate dinner, listened to music, read, blogged, felt completely lazy. On the other hand, I hate times like this. They create insecurities inside me. Leave me feeling lonely, lazy, and like I've messed up big time somewhere along the way. In reality, I think evenings like tonight are God's way of protecting me. He is allowing me to just relax in him, and not get burned out by a busy schedule.

As I lay in bed, I am currently listening to my ipod and the song below came on. It first caught my attention because of the cold weather we've been having lately. And then I started listening closer to the lyrics. I tried to pick out a favorite line but I pretty much think it's all beautiful.

Winter
Sometimes I feel like winter, cold I feel
Icicles are forming
It's hard to tell what is real
Cold winter, cold winter day

Frost is on the windshield and it's hard to see
Air is like slivers
It's hard to breathe
It's a cold winter, cold winter day

Warm me up inside
And let your face from me not hide
'Cause You are what I long for
To melt this cold heart of mine
'Cause when You are around I am found

Sometimes I feel like the prodigal, a wandering weary son
Gone in search of something beautiful
Something to make me one
It's a cold winter, cold winter day

The world is full of lies that will only rob you blind
Hit ya' when you are not looking
And steal away your time
It's a cold winter, cold winter day

And warm me up inside
Let Your face from me not hide
'Cause You are what I long to find
To melt this cold heart of mine
And when You are around I am found

Warm me up inside
And let your face from me not hide
'Cause You are what I long to find
To melt this cold heart of mine
'Cause when You are around
'Cause when You are around
And when You are around I am found

i love you picasa...

2009-01-15T15:38:00.001-08:00

i had some fun with my pictures!

a winter wonderland....

2009-01-14T12:19:00.000-08:00

Today, we had some of the most beautiful snow I've seen in a long time. It has been snowing ALL day long. We only have around 3 inches at this point...but looking out my window, I feel like I'm in the middle of a snow globe.

There is just something about snow that is so enchanting.

currently listening to...

2009-01-09T13:08:00.000-08:00

So, I got an IPOD Nano for Christmas. (It's hot pink and I love it!!) It has greatly impacted my musical life in the last couple weeks. I thought I'd share what I've been listening to.

Shawn McDonald - Roots: I've been a big fan for awhile. I bought his new album the other day. He has a such a pretty voice.

Josh Rouse- Nashville: I've only owned this cd for a week now but I have listened to it at least 4 times already. Good stuff.

Death Cab for Cutie- Transatlanticism: This is also new to me. I "borrowed" some music from a friend and ended up with this. I like it.

Footloose Soundtrack: Ok, there is nothing that gets me more pumped at the gym! Love it.

Keith Urban- Greatest Hits: I know, I know...Sorry, I love it. It has some great songs it. I'm not ashamed.

That's all for now.

the new year...

2009-01-05T16:53:00.000-08:00

So this is the new year.
And i don't feel any different.
The clanking of crystal
Explosions off in the distance.

So this is the new year
And I have no resolutions
For self assigned penance
For problems with easy solutions

So everybody put your best suit or dress on
Let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
Lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
As thirty dialogs bleed into one

I wish the world was flat like the old days
Then i could travel just by folding a map
No more airplanes, or speed trains, or freeways
There'd be no distance that could hold us back.

So this is the new year.

- Death Cab For Cutie

looking back at '08

2008-12-29T10:53:00.000-08:00

As I sit in my apartment, only 2 days away from another year, I'm trying to remember everything that I've experienced and learned in 2008. The last year had its hard times, probably in ways that I haven't even realize at this point. However, it is also filled with a lot of good memories and hopefully this journey down memory lane will highlight the good times.

I experienced my first trip to Las Vegas. I really enjoyed seeing the city, and of course Ashley and Daniel. It was a fun vacation to take with friends. I LOVED all the hotels and casinos...but quickly realized gambling is not for me. So for the most part, I did my share of sightseeing. :)

As for births in the year of 2008, I actually got to help with one! Bob's dog Abby had 10 puppies and I got to help. Yuck. Weird. But....look at how CUTE they were.

Also, new to this world:

- Baby Ava Newell
- Baby Carson Newell
- Baby Jack Bouse
- Baby Oliver Smith
- Baby Twins Carter and Collin Bostic!
- Baby Aaron Buehler

- Baby O'Connor to come!
- Baby Frost to come!

The spring seemed to fly by and for some reason I don't remember much of those wintery months... I suppose it was because summer was in sight! :) I decided to go on a missions trip to Guatemala and started raising support. I turned 25. I ran in the Indy Mini Marathon with Suzanne. Melanie got married!

And so began the summer. The summer of caring. Bob turned 3-0 and we had a big surprise party for him. (We'd find out later that Suzanne would also turn 30! ;) )

You Gotta Regatta. The first of many without my dad there. Luckily, I had some good friends come with me to Madison for the weekend.

One of my favorite things to do around Muncie in the summer is definitely cruisin' down the White River in a canoe. It's so peaceful and I somehow believe I'm really in Colorado. :) This needs to happen more often next year.

Next came the trip to Guatemala. With only a few days before we were to leave, our trip was suddenly filled with uncertainties and lots of tears, not knowing if we were in fact going to be able to go. However, God answered our prayers and blessed us with an experience none of us were prepared for. This trip was truly a blessing to my life and left me with the hope that one day I will return.

The fall was welcomed with 17 new kiddos in my classroom, coaching at Daleville for my 3rd year in a row, and IU football! So far this school year is proving to be much better than last, with of course it's own new challenges. Coaching was hard for me this year. The girls were great. They always are. It is just so life consuming for me. Too much to handle in the fall. On the weekends, Justin and I were able to escape from volleyball and enjoy some IU football.

The fall is always a busy time for our church as well. I've been involved in a house church for the past couple years made up of community people. I've loved getting to know some of the older families in the church. The women of the house church had a couple different opportunities to hang out and it's been awesome. God's been blessing me with more friendships. Unfortunately, as far as the students go, I haven't been involved as much as I would like this past year. Life got the best of me. My prayer is that this time next year, I will be able to see God's faithfulness in this area.

Over Fall break, I ventured up north to Mackinaw Island. What a strange little place! A few friends ran in the Mackinaw Island mini marathon...while Carolyn and I came to be the best cheerleaders there! (That's because Carolyn's pregnant and I kept her company!!!)

In Muncie news, Ball State football had quite the season. It was fun being around when the town actually felt like a college town, supporting some big athletics! As you know, I'm born and raised IU fan and have never really been big into BSU sports. There's no comparison...until this year, a little. ;)

I still like living in Muncie but more this year than any, I've had stronger desires to do something different. Live somewhere different. It probably has more to do with the fact that I don't want to teach for the rest of my life and would feel "stuck" if I don't do something soon. Ridiculous, I know. I'll just take it one day at a time, becoming more aware of opportunities that I have. My friends in Muncie are precious to me, gracious in ways you've never imagine, and just simply enjoyable. That being said, this year has had its relational challenges. Without dwelling on the past, I go into 2009 with a hopeful heart.

As for my family, my niece is getting SOOOO big! I can't believe it. I'm so glad that they only live an hour away and I do get to see her (and them) so often. Not as often as I would like but more than some people get to see their relatives. In September, my dad and Suzie moved to Arizona. It's actually been harder than I would have thought on me. Not having them around on the holiday's was a bummer. My sister and I are going out in February to visit with my dad. I'm looking forward to seeing him and Suzie!

As for 2009, I'm going to officially claim it as mine. I'm going to make some big and some simple life changes. I'm going to see the world and hopefully along the way, take pictures, meet interesting people, love God, and hope for change.

"Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free."

Christmas!

2008-12-23T10:44:00.003-08:00

I experienced my first Christmas at the Zoo. It was lovely :)

I'm thankful for these people...

2008-11-30T13:16:00.001-08:00

Untitled.

2008-11-16T14:07:00.001-08:00

Your love, oh Lord
Reaches to the heavens
Your faithfulness stretches to the sky
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains
Your justice flows like the ocean's tide
I will lift my voice
To worship You, my King
I will find my strength
In the shadow of your wings.

Interesting...

2008-11-03T18:53:00.001-08:00

Oh, Relevant...

mackinaw city....

2008-10-30T12:44:00.000-07:00

the group (except me) :)

Hope....

2008-10-13T16:43:00.001-07:00

My family...

2008-09-29T18:21:00.000-07:00

so my dad and suzie moved to Arizona a week and a half ago.
i miss them already.

Go Hoooosiers!

2008-09-13T15:51:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday, my friend Justin and I went to see some IU football action! My dad and some of his friends were tailgating all day at some rich dude's RV. It was amazing! And they were soooo nice. Justin and I have decided that next week when we go down for the IU/BSU game, we're visiting the rich folks at the RV again, taking resumes, and getting jobs! :)

I wanna go back...

2008-08-22T16:58:00.000-07:00

As I look back on the last ten years, I've often felt the need to go back. Back to high school days, back to college days. The other day I found myself driving through campus during move-in. In an unexpected way, it brought back a lot of memories. I found myself wanting to go back. To go back to the time of my life where I was constantly surrounded by friends. Back to the time where I was engaged in community and the Lord. Back to the days where I was outside daily, enjoying the beauty. Back to the time where I felt peace and happiness. Back to the time where I craved spending time with the Lord. Back to the innocence of life.

Don't get me wrong, I don't miss the papers, homework, and endless hours of studying. I actually like making and having money. I love being on my own.

I don't know what the answer is. I just know I wanna go back....

Guatemala!

2008-07-31T14:38:00.000-07:00

boys from the catholic school/orphanage

mama carmen's kids

the whole crew

kids from the ghetto

White River Adventures!

2008-07-17T06:20:00.000-07:00

Look at these three hillbilly's!

Bob did most of the rowing in our canoe!

We had sooo much fun!

Tonsil mania!

2008-07-09T19:52:00.000-07:00

My niece had her tonsils removed on Tuesday! She was sooooooooooo brave.

You Gotta Regatta....or do you?

2008-07-07T13:16:00.001-07:00

This weekend some of my friends and I went to my hometown for what is known as "Regatta." I also have a good time because I get to see people that I haven't seen in a long time. Here are some pictures of the festivities.

Even though the races were delayed several hours on Sunday, we had a good time.

july already.....

2008-07-02T19:03:00.000-07:00

wow. i can't believe it's july already! this month is going to be busy.

i still have thoughts about moving to a different place. the newest interest is wilmington, nc. i've never been there...good thing that's not a qualification. it seems like a cool town and it's on the water!

i'm going shopping with amanda tomorrow....and i'm VERY excited about it!!! probably too excited. it's good for my soul.

regatta this weekend! i'm hoping to see some of my high school friends. it's been forever.

i welcome july with open arms.....but august needs to stay far away! :)

Bleeding Love...

2008-06-30T11:16:00.000-07:00

i'm loving this video. erin got me hooked! :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovjAuBuepVA

Summer Goals

2008-06-24T10:34:00.000-07:00

I'm making a list of some goals that I would like to begin this summer.

1. Work out 2 hrs/day. This can include riding my bike, running, playing frisbee....
2. Read at least 5 books. (Any suggestions?)
3. Learn how to paint and then paint something for my apt.
4. Pray daily.
5. Do something nice for someone daily.

In progress....

my niece.

2008-06-20T10:57:00.000-07:00

today i took my niece to lunch. on the way home the following conversation was held in the car:

(listening to music in the car)
sydney: is this akon?
me: yea
sydney: i thought so. i love akon.

just thinking...

2008-06-18T14:59:00.001-07:00

For some reason, I want to move. Maybe it's because my life as a teacher allows me to have the summers off, and I've realized that I don't want to spend my summer in Indiana. Perhaps, I could just go somewhere other than Indiana for the summers but there is a part of me that just wants change.

I took an online quiz (findyourspot.com) and here were my Top listings:

1. Knoxville, TN
2. Chattanooga, TN
3. Bloomington, IN
4. Roanoke, VA
5. Johnson City, TN
6. Tulsa, OK
7. Clarksville, TN
8. Greenville, SC
9. Norfolk, VA
10. Hampton, VA

I want to move to Colorado.

2008-05-07T14:53:00.000-07:00

we finished.

knock, knock...

2008-05-01T18:18:00.001-07:00

i'm running the mini marathon in 36 hours.
the only thing i'm looking forward to is telling jokes with suzanne ;)

2008-04-28T18:23:00.001-07:00

here's my attempt to blog to the world.